We all want to help our children in their time of need, but what if those children are really no longer children but adults?

It's a tough job market and economy, so maybe it's OK if they need to live at home for a little longer or provide them with some money to make ends meet ...but at what point must that stop?

Little kids. Sometimes you just want to keep them young forever...but you can't. They have to learn and grow up on their own at some point.
As adults, though, it's harder than it was for previous generations. Rent and housing is way up, as are college costs.

According to Savings.com, they surveyed 1000 parents and found the average amount they give their adult kids per month is $1474.
It's something experts say you can't sustain.

"Long-term we are enabling, really robbing them of self-confidence so the very thing we want to do for our children by helping them to gain self-confidence you're actually hurting them when we put too many resources into where they are at," said Dr. Deirdre Adduci from Restoration Counseling.

Most of the parents who are providing that money are themselves, in their accumulation phase, meaning, they are trying to add to their retirement accounts like 401k or Roth IRAs, or to their savings to prepare themselves for a comfortable retirement.

"By stopping those contributions, maybe they are in their 40's or 50's or taking from their 401k altogether, can have a huge effect on their retirement. We are talking maybe delaying retirement by years depending on how long this goes on," said Kelcie Schiraldi from Bury Financial.

So how can you help your kids financially and at the same time, get them to be self-sustaining?

"One way they gauge this is once you turn 26 you can no longer on on your parent's insurance. I think that is a good age to say ok if you can't be on our insurance anymore then maybe you can't live in our home anymore and we're not going to pay your phone bill or your rent," said Schiraldi.
Make a financial plan. Help needs to be a team effort. They need to contribute something financially.

"A plan should include behavioral changes, 'this is what I am doing, mom and dad. This is what i am doing to make things better.' Because in three months if they don't do anything to change their behaviors they will be exactly where they are now or perhaps worse," said Dr. Adduci.

It's OK if you need some help with the numbers.

"Work with a planner so we can determine how much extra you have to help your child without it negatively affecting your financial plan," said Schiraldi.